Moment To Moment is Back

As it has probably been obvious to all, and/or most of the people who I’ve either connected with and come across either online through my shares and posts or in person throughout my adventures: Moment To Moment has taken an unexpected pause. I have decided that this pause will now be coming to an end…It’s about time!

I decided I’d like to start by sharing a bit more about me personally, why I allowed myself to put this on pause, and how it’s inspired me to take this on once again. Something that may be uknown to a lot of you: I have had a history of drug abuse from the time I was 12 years old. While I was out on the West- Coast, spreading the message of Moment To Moment I was coming upon 2 and a half years of sobriety from methamphetamine. I returned from my travels at the end of March due to covid-related reasons. I, like a lot of society has seemed to, took a downward spiral mentally & emotionally when covid began to lockdown cities, shutting down gatherings, and social distancing became the new way of being out in the world.

I don’t feel it’s necessary to go into all of the details, but I will share the main things that went on in my life. I got into a romantic relationship which turned to be very physically and emotionally abusive. This relationship was also the path that I took that led me to choose to begin using drugs again. I made justifications, and told myself this would not go the way it did last time. What I experienced was another level of addiction. From April of this year, to late July slipping back into old behavior patterns, using meth, living on the streets and continuously allowing myself to be used, abused & manipulated. I had buried myself worth at my own doing.

I had multiple suicide attempts during this time. I felt helpless, I felt like completely disconnected from myself. One thing I do see though, being able to reflect back on those times with a clear mind; I was constantly seeking something better for myself. It just took a long time before I finally took action when I knew what it was I had to do. I had to hit rock my own rock bottom. Once at rock bottom, I realized I had only two options. Sit there, or find a way back up. Now initially, I sat there for a while. Eventually, with the assistance and inspiration of others, I began to climb my way up again.

There were people in my life, who although had distanced themselves from me.. and reasonably so, still never gave up on me. When I showed that I was ready, they met me halfway. On July 26th, I packed my things and I called a family member and I checked myself into rehab. July 26th, was the day I chose myself again. I spent 90 days, doing the uncomfortable work. I was feeling all of the feelings I’d been suppressing with the drug use. I was facing all of the things I’d spent so much time avoiding. It was emotional, it felt scary at times, it was one of the greatest challenges I’ve ever faced. However, overcoming it is so worth it. Once I left rehab, I moved on to a Sober Living House, and have been continuing my recovery process through group therapy 5 days a week.

The first picture, is me the day I checked into rehab. I was 135 pounds, sleep deprived, paranoid, and afraid. The second picture is a most recent one of me. I’ve gotten myself back to a healthy weight, created mental stability, and I know my worth now. I’ve remembered who I am and I’ve remembered the value I bring to this world.

Now, all of this was made possible, with first people in my life who didn’t give up on me. There was someone in my life, that even at my absolute worse, strung out, making decisions that weren’t in alignment with who I am still looked at me and said “I love you and you are worth something. You will make it through this”

This is one of my core principles in Moment To Moment. Each and every person I come across in my life is worth something, and is worthy of love. In my eyes, this is how we change the world. And so through this unconditional love and support I have received, through my recovery process and choosing to be back in alignment with myself I have been inspired to take action once again on my projects.

The experiences I have had and shared along my journey mean the absolute world to me. I hold each and every person I have come across near and dear to my heart. So here I am, I have a few projects in mind, keeping things Covid friendly of course. I am continuing Moment To Moment with confidence. Now more than ever, the world deserves to experience the light that we all have to offer. Stay tuned, more will be coming as soon as this week.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who takes to time to be a part of this with me. This isn’t just about me and what I am doing, I do this to inspire others to take action in the same way. And even if throughout all of this, I only make a difference for just one person? It’s worth it to me.

Love&Light, my heart to yours,

Spring.